What makes a man?
I once heard a pastor (Pastor D I’ll call him) complain about the men in his church. His exact words were that they were “basically chicks.” He said that the way church is run in our day is only appealing to women and children and that most “men” would rather be out playing or watching football or be working on cars than be in church. While I have my own concerns about men in the modern church it has nothing to do with them wearing sea-foam green sweaters, which seems to be a pervasive concern for Pastor D. My concern is that the anatomical men of the church are not being men of God, as I assume is also Pastor D’s concern.
My intention with this blog is in no way to criticize my brothers, nor Pastor D as his church clearly has a massive blessing upon it. Rather, I hope to put forth this question; what makes someone who is anatomically a man, a man of God? After being blessed to go to a men’s retreat last weekend and having the opportunity to talk with my very dear friend Zak about this, I have some speculations about the qualities possessed by a man after God’s own heart, which I thoroughly believe all men are called to be.
Integrity
One thing I will say for Hollywood heroes, in terms of the “manly” attributes they exhibit, is that the ones that most moviegoers really love and admire possess integrity. William Wallace in “Braveheart,” Maximus Meridius in “Gladiator,” and even, arguably, the McManus brothers in the “Boondock Saints” refuse to settle for what is easy and instead decide to do what they know to be right. While in some sense every man hopes to be this kind of hero in the sort of rebellious yet honorable warrior sense, most men instead find themselves with much more trivial villains in their lives. For example, whether or not they ought to fudge the figures on their tax reports or, maybe, if they should tell their wife about that little lust issue.
If a man wakes up everyday wearing a comportment that lacks integrity he will likely soon find it eroding, much like any creation that lacks integrity. While Nietzsche says, “It is easier to cope with a bad conscience than with a bad reputation” I have not this to be true. I have found dishonesty in my own life to be rather viral in it’s ability to take an inch where only a mile is given. Soon I find myself lying about things not worth the trouble of lying about or lying about things that never should be lied about. Thus Nietzsche’s man of poor consciousness may find himself satisfied for a time with his bad conscience, but when push comes to shove he may find his equivocations undermining his good reputation.
If a man does allow himself to live with a dirtied conscious he will probably find himself dissatisfied when he looks into his bathroom mirror. These blogs (this one in particular) I find to be something of a mirror every time I write them. Reason being that I can’t ask someone else to listen to my words until I have done so myself. If a man cannot look himself in the mirror and see a man after God’s own heart how can he expect another to see him that way? Being real with one’s self is the beginning of real manhood.
Fidelity
Once a man has figured out how to be true to himself, he must learn how to be true to those closest to him. Fidelity is one of the most important traits any man can posses. My understanding of faith and family would lead me to believe that in every man’s life, God should come first, followed by his wife, and next by his children. After these three, how you align your priorities is your business. As such, a man should always put God’s desires and calling above the rest of the desires of his life’s influencers.
I find time to be one of the things that a man most needs to be faithful with. What a man spends his time on obviously represents what he values. Scripture tells us that were one’s treasure is, there their heart is also. In an epoch when “time is money,” one’s time needs to be spent very wisely. While I understand the immense pressure that is on men to be providers for their families, if a man’s occupation compromises his fidelity of time he may soon find it compromising his integrity as well.
Sexual fidelity is something that should go without saying as a huge form of faithfulness to one’s family. Porn and even “casual lust,” or allowing one’s eyes to wander where they shouldn’t, should be rejected both for the sake of keeping one’s self faithful but also for the sake of keeping oneself pure. In many ways sexual infidelity is also infidelity to God as it is a breach of one’s willingness to listen to God and therefore a breach in one’s integrity.
Courage
Courage I find to be a necessary supporter of integrity and at the same time an important counter part. Courage can be had without integrity, but integrity can’t be had without courage. By that I mean one can boldly do something terrifying with wrong motives and be called courageous, but one can’t have integrity without the courage to stand up for what he knows to be right.
Courage is undeniably a dead horse that has been beaten over and again by men’s ministries everywhere and as such I’d like to bring some fresh perspective to it. Webster defines courage as “the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear.” I disagree with the dictionary here because it says, “without fear.” Few men can decide to be without fear; every man can decide to have courage. Courage, I believe, is the force that pushes us forth in spite of fear. If you weren’t afraid why would you need courage?
It takes courage to stand up to the injustices around us and within us. As I said before, if a man is to possess integrity he must have the courage to follow through with what he knows to be right. Thus, courage is what makes integrity possible. When you find yourself uncertain of whether the repercussions of your honesty will truly be worth the gains in integrity and when fear starts to say, “what will happen when you tell them?” remember this, “the LORD does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7). If your heart is not right, do not hesitate to make it so.
I implore you men of God, be men of integrity. Be faithful and do not fear the costs of your integrity, the rewards will outweigh them tenfold. Even now I find this to be a message to myself as much as it is to anyone else. Join me in trying to become a man after God’s own heart.
