This is a story that begins with sore knees and bloodshot eyes. It is also a story that has two possible endings. The first and the more common ending to this tale is that the passion, tears, and overwhelming emotions amount to nothing and almost as soon as the story begins indifference brings it to an end; a disappointing end to what seemed to be a very promising story. The other ending is that the heavy hand that made the knees so sore and the fire that made the heart burn and the tears that flooded forth in desperation are not forgotten, they are embraced. This second ending makes for a much better story though sadly it is rarely seen.
There and back again. This was the alternate title to Tolkien’s book The Hobbit, a well-known tale about a hobbit named Bilbo Baggins who is asked to leave his home, the Shire, to go on a great adventure, the final destination of which is a mountain guarded by a fierce dragon. When Bilbo reaches the mountain he helps to bring down the dragon and acquires riches in an epic battle, but at the end of the story, our dear hobbit returns home to the Shire, to the comfortable life he had always known, never again to have the kind of adventure he first took.
I also have gone on an adventure to a mountain, multiple adventures for that matter. The dragon I fought may not have breathed flames, nor did it wear armor but it was far more terrible than Smaug and this dragon stood in the way of a far greater treasure as well. This great selfish dragon of sin stood between God and I and when I reached the mountain it was not I but God who slew the dragon that stood between us. When I realized how much it took for him to defeat the dragon and how much he loved me to go through with it, this is when I dropped to my knees and got sore bones, this is when I saw truth that burns even the most callous of eyes. This is when I met God.
Since this event God has broken my heart and brought tears to my eyes again and again for a diversity of reasons. Sometimes for my longing to be rid of my addiction, sometimes for my family, sometimes for more people to know him, and many more reasons. Sadly, my story for too long has been the first one, the story of indifference. While I seem to be drowning in my tears as they fall, their weight holds no sway when I get back to the Shire and my life carries on as usual. This is unacceptable and so the question is, how do we change? The answer is simple; we become child like.
When I was a little boy my mother and my grandmother used to read me a book called Love you Forever. This book is the story of a single mother raising her only little boy who never ceases to cause problems. As a toddler he flushes his mother’s pearl necklace down the toilet, as a boy he tracks mud into the house, as a teenager he plays in an obnoxious rock band and the list goes on. Yet despite this, every night the mother sneaks into her son’s bedroom and sings to him, “I love you forever, I love you for always, as long as I love you, my baby you’ll be.” a beautiful image of the kind of love our parents have for us. At the end of the book the mother passes and shortly thereafter the boy, now a man, goes home, goes to his daughter’s room, picks her up and begins to sing, “I love you forever, I love you for always as long as I love you my baby you’ll be.”
I sometimes see myself as a child in God’s arms, him holding me, telling me it will be all right. Other times I see myself taking baby steps, clutching to one of God’s massive fingers with one of my little baby hands and hanging on to him with all my might as I begin to take my first steps. Finally, lately, I have begun to see God with me everywhere, in class, in the car, in church, and when I see him he has a big beard, long hair, a brown vest, a white t-shirt, jeans, and sandals, don’t ask me why. When we begin to see ourselves in these situations and when we begin to see that God is never separated from us, then we can begin to act on our passions.
I have said before that I have missed many divine appointments because I am a wuss and I become too scared to talk people. Despite the many tears I have shed for the lost and unloved in this world I have scarcely acted when God has dropped a situation in my lap and given me words to speak; it would take more than one hand to count the times I have done this. This needs to change and has begun to. Now, as I walk with God (beard, sandals and all) I have a confidence-inspiring friend with me wherever I go. I hate to say this due to the beaten dead horse of a cliché that God is with us every where, as such I’d rather say it like this: my best friend is always with me always giving me support. When I am with one of my best friends I feel far more confident than when I am alone, yet often the types of things that need to be said to change lives need to be said in private, however with God there I can say things with confidence and on a personal level. I simply need to grab God’s hand and go. In these times I sometimes see a box with a handle sticking out of it, the side of the box says T.N.T. and when I push down on the handle KA-BOOM, the walls of my comfort, the walls of my limits on God, and the walls of my limits on what I can do are blown down. Then I can walk forward in confidence.
All this being said it’s time for a change, it’s time to live like our tears, passions, bruised knees, and mountaintops have meant something. It’s time to live like strangers in this world who are more concerned with the truth then with the weak and incomplete social and worldly comforts this world has to offer us. Lets not return to the Shire with nothing more than self-fulfillment and a good story, lets run through the Shire screaming the truth of what we know and let those who would, join us as we go. Let our tears have weight, let the fire burn out our impurities and afterwards let us be shaped into the people that God wants us to be.
I LOVE reading your blogs, Kenny (:
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