As I was texting Katie the crazy red head about the loss of her "Muma" (great-grandmother) I naturally began thinking about my Grandma, who passed in April of 2009. The thought that came to mind was not a terribly new thought, however I was reminded of the fact that we should be happy for our lost loved ones who in all reality have found that greatest joy we could know; heaven and with that daily walks with the creator who is the greatest everything of all time ever. As I thought about this I thought about what Muma and Grandma must be thinking right now. They’re obviously praising God right now with all their hearts and with more joy than they can have ever known in life. In addition to that they must be enjoying the presence and love of their lost loved ones all over again. Grandma is probably talking to her grandmother and Muma to her grandmother and all their passed siblings and so on. As all this was running through my mind I began to consider that someday, God willing, I will have kids maybe grandkids maybe great grandkids and so on and so forth.
As that occurred to me I began considering the fact that I will love them and I will love loving them and I have so many people that have yet to enter my life that I will love and whom I will also love loving. At this point I started looking around the bus I was on and I started considering that all the people on it (I sincerely hope and pray) have people that they love and that love them in return. Now it's time for a bunny trail, if I can remember what it was I was about to say. O yes, living to love.
Now living to love is not living in the hopes of getting married and having children, it is loving to love anyone that crosses your path no matter if they are mean, or fat, or overly-nice, or strange, or if they have little fingers... As I thought about that my thoughts went back to what I would live for if I didn’t live for God, I would live for the thing I love next most, music. But that wouldn’t suffice, living for music would be hollow and that’s another bunny trail that I didn’t take and won’t be taking now. Anyways, living to love and loving to love while doing it. “Lovey lovers love loving lovingly” as I said once, it’s an entirely nonsensical statement that has the L word in it a lot and it seems grammatically correct to my science major mind. My first thought when I was considering living to love was that it would be hollow, simply living for the joy of loving would not suffice. But we are called to live like God, and God is love, so how do we justify that. We can’t treat love like a drug where we are constantly waiting for the next high, that certainly wont do because if we did that, well what in the world would we do in between highs? We can’t live for the mountain when were trucking through the valley… or can we. I suppose I’m trying to justify this one right now, not justify… understand? Maybe, that’s what I’m trying to do right now. Yes, I’m trying to understand it. I’ll get back to that because I don’t want to forget another thought that’s changing the direction of my thought train right now.
I dance as a form of worship sometimes, I am emphatically NOT a dancer, however I enjoy giving in and dancing for God and just letting my body move and dancing for the king because it’s so doggone liberating. Dancing for me happens in two forms, goofing off and worshiping God. For others dance is what they do, they worship to dance because it is their art; it is a like a language for expressing love to God, because he’s the only one who knows exactly what they're saying. This is drumming for me. It’s all the music I play, but drumming more than any other instrument and even more than singing too. Don't ask me how it works but playing a drum I can speak volumes to God.
Two thoughts about individual love languages: first is that I like talking with other people about their love languages (and their joys which I want to delve into in a minute), second is my Mom having a feel for my love language. Mom once told me that she could sometimes tell what mood is behind my drumming, as if she knew some of what I was feeling when I play. I don’t know how well she understands what my drumming says or if anyone else has ever understood it for that matter, but I suppose if someone besides God was going to understand what my non-lyrical music says it would undoubtedly be Mom because for one thing mothers are ALWAYS right, I have long since accepted this fact. Secondly, I may look like Daddy-O and have some of his characteristics particularly with how he experiences God (now that I think about that I suppose he may understand my love language too… I should ask him) but I have my mom’s personality, which could explain her ability to understand my love language to an extent. Anyway, understanding love languages, I would love to understand someone else’s love language which brings me to my other point about love languages.
I enjoy experiencing other’s love languages with the people they belong to as best I can. For example the other day I was riding the bus back from my Seattle church (Bethany Community Church) with a girl named Evie (pronounced like eh-vee not like ee-vee). As I was getting to know her I was asking her about music and if she played and the things she likes, yadda yadda yadda. As we were talking she told me she is a dancer and has been a little upset about not being able to dance lately due to a lack of money; apparently dance studios are pretty expensive. I asked the Dancing Girl if she had ever danced for God, and not just for God but as worship unto him. She said yes and lit up like a shooting star. She said that for her dancing was like talking to God in one of the most intimate ways possible. I thought that was beautiful, I also had no concept of what it would be like to talk to God by dancing. When I “dance” (most people who see me “dance” would call it rhythmic flailing not dancing) it’s more like adoration and submission, not communication. However, as the Dancing Girl spoke what was so neat was that I felt as if I was talking to God through dance with her, even though our butts were crammed stiffly into a seat meant for one and we were hardly moving at all.
That conversation (which happened a little over a week ago) and my experience today with loving to love and the thought of living for music, which I would like to again say would be rather shallow, all came together in this thought and new (to me) concept that I hope to practice tonight. I want to go to people’s happy place with them. Thank you Happy Gilmore. What I mean is that even though I will never love to dance like the Dancing Girl loves to dance, and even though I will never experience the joy of dancing like she does, I can get a taste of the wonder that she experiences through dance by being with her when she relives the freedom that dancing brings and maybe even being with her when she dances someday.
What I want to do now is practice asking the questions that will allow me to experience a taste of worship and joy and other wonderful things like that the way that others experience them. I want to do this not for my own satisfaction, (even though it is wonderful) but so that I can get to know their hearts and so I can get to know the heart of God and the many many many many many ways he shows other people his glory through their joy.
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